Losing Grip
by JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO
Summary: After Amy's death, Matt is faced with terrible accusations and judgements. How can he hold on without losing grip? RR PLZ!
1. Pulling the Trigger

Title: Losing Grip 

Chapter I: Pulling the Trigger 

Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E) 

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's. 

A/N: I had this chapter posted b4, but then I removed it cuz I'm adding new chapters, so… tell me what u think! :)

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"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" She demanded. "Tell me the truth!" 

Matt sighed. He could see the fury in her hazel eyes. They were practically burning a hole through him. He swore they were turning the same color as her hair. 

"Amy, I… I…" 

"You what?" 

"I…" Matt paused. He looked down at the floor. He couldn't look up at her. No matter how intimidating she tried to sound, Matt could still hear it… it was very faint but he could definitely hear it… she sounded hurt. She looked hurt. She was hurt. He didn't want to break her heart. He knew all along it would hurt her… but he didn't think it would hurt her like this. 

It was only one of those spur of the moment things. He was a guy… she'd just have to understand that. He knew he was wrong for doing it, but he was sorry. He really was. 

Matt took a deep breath. "Baby… I… I love you. I really, really love you… but you can't hold this against me for the rest of your life. I said I was sorry and I meant it." 

Matt looked up at her, awaiting his response. He became a little uneasy when he didn't get one. 

"Do you love her?" Amy finally asked. 

"What?" 

"Torrie. Do you… do you love her?" 

"Baby…" 

"ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!" 

"YES! I mean… no… I mean… I don't know, Amy!" 

Amy was furious. She was so ready to let go. She hated this scene. She and Matt were always arguing in their hotel room. She knew Jeff, Shane, Jericho, and the other guys were listening on the other side. They always were. They always waited for Matt to leave so they could come in and comfort her… not this time. 

She walked over to her suitcase and took a plastic bag out. She didn't reveal its contents. Instead, she sat on the bed and held it in her hands. 

"So how's the sex?" She asked calmly. 

"Amy, don't do this." 

"Don't do what? Don't question you about something you shouldn't be doing anyway? So is she good?" 

Matt stayed quiet. 

"Come on, Matt, I wanna know." She whispered softly. 

Matt didn't dare say anything. He knew she was on the verge of tears. 

"I think I deserve to know." Amy said, standing up. She was still holding onto the bag. 

"I don't know why I did it… I'm stupid… it's –" 

"Damn right you're stupid!" Amy's voice cracked. "I thought you didn't like blondes. Come on, Matt, don't you know your colors?" Tears started streaming down her face. Matt just wanted to grab her and show her how sorry he was. 

"I'm tired Matt." She continued. "I'm sick and fucking tired! I can't hold on any longer… I'm losing grip." 

Matt sighed. "I promise… I'll change. If you just give me –" 

"Another chance? Is that what you were gonna say?" 

Matt nodded. 

"No, Matt. I've given you all the chances in the world. I told you, I'm sick and tired. To death." 

"Amy –" 

"Literally." 

"What?" 

Amy pulled something out of the plastic bag. Matt couldn't make out the shape at first, and then he saw what it was. He held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. 

"Amy, don't." He said, backing away. 

"Don't what?" Amy said, eyeing the gun she was holding. "Don't kill you?" 

"We can talk this out." 

"Matt, baby… I could never do something like that. I love you… come here, give me a kiss." 

Matt stared at her. He didn't like this Amy. She was so… scary. He missed the old Amy. It was his entire fault that she was being like this, and he knew it. 

He shook his head. She would kill him if he walked up to her. 

"Can I have one last kiss from you? I love you, Matt. I really do. You mean the world to me… but you hurt me, baby. You hurt me." 

A single tear slipped out the corner of Matt's eye. 

"You hurt me." She repeated. 

"Baby, I'm sorry." Matt whispered, as he walked up to her. He tilted her chin up and placed a soft kiss on her lips. 

"Thank you." She whispered back. "That was all I wanted." 

Matt slowly nodded. "Now will you please put the gun away?" 

"No." 

"Amy… don't do it." Matt said nervously. He didn't want to die… he wanted to talk things out and be forgiven. He wanted to hold her… to love her. He didn't need Torrie or any of the other fake-Divas. He wanted her. He wanted Amy. 

"I told you I wasn't going to kill you, baby." Amy said, practically reading his mind. "I love you too much." 

Matt sighed. "Thank God. 'Cause you know, I got something for you." Matt grinned and walked over to his suitcase. He pulled out a small, black, velvet box. Before turning around, and showing it to Amy, he admired the diamond engagement ring that was inside. It cost him a fortune. She would love it. 

Amy stared at Matt's back. Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. She ran a finger over the gun before putting it in her mouth. She liked the feel of it… cold and greasy. She placed her finger on the trigger. 

Matt sighed, preparing himself for the big question. He stood and turned slowly. 

"Amy, will you – AMY NO!" 

She smiled. 

And pulled the trigger. 

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	2. Portraying a Lie

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter II: Portraying a Lie 

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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Matt screamed. 

He knelt by Amy's side, picking up the gun and cradling her head. 

"Oh my God…" He whispered.

The room to the door burst open and four men charged in. It was Jeff, Shane, Adam, and Jericho.

"OH MY GOD!" Shane screamed.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" Adam accused.

Matt's eyes widened, as he looked up at the other men. He looked down at Amy, and realized what he was portraying. He was holding the gun… his hands were bloody… and there was Amy – motionless and sprawled out on the floor.

Jeff began to gag, and he ran to the bathroom.

"It's not what you think… she –"

"You would do that… you would blame it on her! She's hurt, you asshole! And you'd still blame it on her! You shot her you bastard!" Jericho couldn't take his eyes off of Amy's body.

"It's not what it looks like –"

"THEN WHAT IS IT?" Jericho glared at Matt. 

"That doesn't matter," Adam said, "call 9-1-1, we'll deal with him later."

Shane knelt down by Amy's side. "Adam, no… she's… she's dead."

"She's dead?" Jeff asked softly, standing in the bathroom doorway.

"You sick bastard… I'll kill you…" Jericho growled at Matt. 

Matt shook his head. "I didn't –"

"Bullshit, Matt!" Shane yelled. "You were caught! Face it!"

"Oh, God… Amy…" Jeff mumbled. "What's gonna happen?"

Adam shook his head. "I don't know, Jeff. I don't know…" 

Ten eyes stared at Amy's body. A wisp of her hair was strewn across her forehead. Her hazel eyes were wide open, a pool of blood surrounding her head. 

"Sweet Jesus, look at the wall." Shane whispered.

Everyone looked at the bullet that was lodged inside the hotel wall. Gray matter was splattered everywhere, giving everyone in the room a nauseating feeling. 

"I can't be in here anymore." Jeff mumbled, his stomach turning. He shut his eyes while he stepped over Amy's body and walked into the hallway.

"I'm leaving, too… before I kill him." Jericho said through gritted teeth. 

"We have to clean this mess up…" Shane whispered.

Adam shook his head. "Don't touch her. Just… just call the ambulance." He glared at Matt. "And the police." 

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	3. Her Funeral

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter III: Her Funeral 

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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Matt tried to ignore them, but the feeling was too intense. He could feel their eyes. Everyone was scowling at him; judging him. They thought *he* had killed her.

He stood in the back row of the funeral parlor, not wanting to go near the casket. It was closed, for her corpse was too gruesome for showing. 

Jeff was up there, too. He was reminiscing about the times they all had. Tears slipped from those bright green eyes that were glaring at Matt. Matt looked down at the floor. He couldn't bear to look at Jeff... he wouldn't. Because now, Matt knew, that deep down inside, he was hated by Jeff, also. He couldn't believe that his own younger brother hated him. 

Matt tried to avoid Jeff's eyes. He looked over at Torrie. 

Poor Torrie. She knew why Amy killed herself. She was there in the corner, sobbing her eyes out. She felt horrible about it - after all, it was partly her fault. If only they knew...

If only they knew about the dirty little secrets held within... the things she and Matt did in the dark. Well, now the light was on and it was Matt who was in the spotlight.

Matt walked outside. All the attention was too much for him to handle. He shielded his eyes from the sun. Such a beautiful day for such a sad event. 

Matt loosened his tie a little. It felt as if all the stares caused it to tighten around his throat. Matt walked a little further and into the cemetery. He peered into the dark, 6-foot-hole that his precious Amy would be calling home for the rest of eternity. 

"You don't know how much will power it's taking me not to push your fagot ass into that hole."

Matt swirled around, coming face-to-face with Adam.

Matt didn't say anything. He just stood there, waiting for Adam to continue.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you kill her? Man, when I heard that gunshot, I coulda sworn... I thought... and then you... she was all bloody... and the back of her head and... the gun. The gun was in your hands! And you were on your knees and..." Adam was delirious. He wiped away the tears that were streaming down his face. "Why, Matt? Why'd you do it?"

Matt thought back to what had happened just days ago. His mouth suddenly felt dry and he could feel a lump forming in the back of his throat.

"I… I didn't." Matt uttered. 

Adam raised an eyebrow. 

"I didn't do it, Adam. I swear I –"

"Go to hell. That's exactly where you belong, 'cause I don't believe one fucking word that's coming out of that damn mouth of yours." Adam shook his head and wiped away a few more tears. "She was damn good to you, Hardy. Maybe too damn good. You didn't deserve her! You didn't –"

"They're gonna bury her now." A soft voice said. It belonged to Jeff.

"I can't… I can't watch." Adam said, running a hand through his long blonde locks.

Jeff shook his head. "I can't either… but we have to. She would've wanted us to. God, I just can't believe she's gone." 

Adam shrugged, wiped his eyes again, and walked away.

Matt sighed, watching as more people came out into the cemetery.

"Matt… why did you do it?" Jeff asked. 

"I didn't."

Jeff stared at Matt. He closed his eyes for a second, deciding whether or not to believe his older brother. He opened them, and, without saying another word, walked off.

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	4. Hear Me Out

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter IV: Hear Me Out

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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A/N: Phoenix-Satori10, I was just reading my reviews and thanks for noticing my writing skills :) I'm still trying to get better… but thanks for noticing, anyway!

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"And so Matt's not going to jail?" 

Jeff shook his head, and looked down at Shane. Shane sat on the black bench in Jeff's dressing room and watched as the younger Hardy drew designs on his forearm. 

"But he killed her, man." Shane bit his lip. "It was murder… he committed a felony . He shoulda been sentenced _at least _twenty years."

Jeff shrugged. "He didn't do it."

"What?"

"He didn't do it." 

Shane stood up. He practically laughed in Jeff's face. "Please."

Jeff sighed and placed the cap back on the red washable Crayola marker. "Believe it or not. They gave him the lie detector test and everything… dusted for fingerprints… the whole nine. He's innocent as they come." 

"You're not just saying that because he's your brother, right?" 

"Wish I could. I'm just as pissed off at him as the rest of you are… I just… I just wish I coulda been there… you know? Maybe to stop whatever really did happen." Jeff sadly shook his head. "We were on the other side of the door, Shane. We heard them yelling. You know how many times I thought about going in there? When the gun sounded… I… I knew it was too late."

Shane shrugged. "Forget about it, man. At least for the next fifteen minutes… you've got a match. You don't want this to interfere." 

Jeff nodded. "You're right."

-*-

The tag team match between the Hardy Boyz and Edge and Christian had to be one of the most difficult things Matt had to go through. The spears… the bodyslams… the dropkicks…everything was so real. Adam was extra tough on Matt.

After the match, Matt felt terrible. Not only because Adam beat the holy hell out of him, but because Adam actually meant every last hit. Matt's relationship with all of his closest friends was deteriorating and that's what hurt most. He recently lost the love of his life and since everyone hated him, no one was there for him. 

Matt walked into the locker room, startled by what he saw. Shane, Adam, Jeff, and Chris Jericho sat there calmly. Matt instinctively turned to leave the room. 

"Wait, Matt." Jericho stood up.

Matt turned around.

"Look… I… I know… you know… well…" He sighed. "I'm still pissed at you… but I'm willing to hear you out… Jeff told us you're innocent."

Matt couldn't help but smile. He was so relieved. "I am."

"So what really happened?" Adam asked.

"And don't lie." Chris added.

Matt nodded. "She… she committed suicide."

Jeff's eyes widened. "SHE KILLED _HERSELF_?!" He shrieked.

Shane's mouth dropped open. 

"Why?" Adam whispered.

Matt bit his lip. He couldn't lie to them now… they would know. "I cheated on her."

"So I still have the right to be pissed off at you." Jericho spat.

"Either way it's still your fault that she's dead!" Shane yelled.

Adam stood up, shaking his head. "Remember when I told you… she was damn good to you?"

"So damn good." Jeff said softly.

Matt nodded. 

"She talked about you constantly." Adam let out a small laugh from the memories. "Like a bunch of straight guys would want to hear her talk about a dude all day… but still… she loved you. We thought you loved her, too."

Jeff took a deep breath. "Why would you do that to her?" 

Matt ran a hand through his long dark waves. "It was a spur of the moment thing… like you've never cheated on Trish, CJ." 

Jericho shook his head. "Never."

"Or you, Jeff… on Beth." 

"Never even thought of it."

Matt sighed. They were doing this on purpose. They were trying to make it seem as if he were the most fucked up guy in the world.

He nodded and left. It was working.

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	5. Vanilla

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter V: Vanilla

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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"Fucking… ASSHOLES!" Matt threw his gym bag on the floor. It banged into an end table, causing the lamp to fall and crash into pieces. "Great." Matt muttered. 

He slammed the door of the hotel room and flopped on the bed. He closed his eyes, thinking about the week's events… and how the guys had been treating him. 

Hectic. Life was so damn hectic nowadays. 

The room felt so cold. It was weird without Amy. She was usually cleaning up after his sloppy ass. But not tonight. Tonight, the lamp would stay smashed on the floor… tonight his clothes would stay in his gymbag, getting wrinkled. Tonight, Matt didn't care. Tonight… Matt missed Amy. 

He kept his eyes closed, thinking about her. Her curvaceous body… her full lips… her long red hair. Even the way she smelled. Kind of like vanilla. He smiled as he reminisced on the day they went to the amusement park…

-*-

__

"One more game, please! I just wanna get you that purple bear!" Matt tugged on her blouse as he whined. Amy smiled but shook her head.

"Matt, if I bring anymore animals to the hotel, they're gonna start charging extra."

"So?"

"No."

Matt frowned. "You're no fun."

"Come on, you can get ice-cream instead."

The two of them walked over to a concession stand and waited in line. Matt held onto Amy's waist and nuzzled into her neck. He sniffed in her scent. "Mm, baby, you smell like vanilla!"

Amy smiled.

He licked her cheek. "You even TASTE like vanilla!"

Amy shoved him and wiped her face.. "Ugh, Matt, you're so gross!"

"C'mere, gimme another lick!"

"No, Matthew, stop, we're in public!" Amy tried to keep her composure but Matt was making her laugh. 

"Vanilla! Damn, girl you taste so good!"

Amy continued to laugh.

-*-

Matt smiled to himself, remembering how she laughed that day. Her laughter was so beautiful… it sounded like a song. Why didn't he ever tell her that? 

He didn't get to tell her a lot of things. Most important of all, how much he loved her. The last time he told her was when… when she killed herself. When she was crying and she kept yelling at him… did he say that just to get her to shut up? He couldn't remember saying it while they were in the car… or having breakfast… or before going to sleep. He loved her, but he couldn't remember telling her. 

Matt reached over and grabbed the phone. He needed someone to talk to. All this thinking about Amy was really getting to him. He punched in a few numbers and waited for it to ring.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered.

"Hey… it's me…"

"I know."

"Can you come over? Please… I – I need you."

"I'll be right there."

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	6. Can't Be Without You

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter VI: Can't Be Without You

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's … Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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A/N: This chapter is for everyone who's wondering who in the blue hell Matt called… lol… 'specially Sweet-Steffie.

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Matt lay on his bed, waiting for his company to arrive. The lamp was still crushed on the floor in tiny little pieces. That's how his life was going… it was being crushed into tiny little pieces. And without Amy, there was no electricity. 

A sharp knock on the door caught Matt's attention, and he stood up to get it. He swung the hotel door open and she stood there in jeans and a V1 tee shirt. Her hair was tied back into a ponytail and she looked tired.

"Torrie… tell me I'm gonna be okay… tell me _everything's _gonna be okay." Matt pleaded as he let her in.

She smiled sweetly and shook her head. "I can't promise you anything, Matt. I'm here for you… that's about it."

"You're the _only_ one that's here for me."

"I know it. I'm sorry."

Matt shrugged. "It's not your fault –"

"You're right… it's _our _fault. I shouldn't have come here… it's wrong. People will think –"

Matt cut her off. "Who cares what people think? Tor… you're the only one that'll talk to me. Not even my own brother will talk to me! Please… just stay."

Torrie shook her head. "I don't know."

"Please."

She sighed. "Fine… fine Matt… so what's up with you?" She carefully stepped around the little shards of glass and sat on the bed.

"What the hell do you think is up with me? My girlfriend's dead, my friends won't talk to me, I'm a total wreck – "

"And you think I'm not?! Matt, I'm one of the _main reasons_ why Amy killed herself! So don't catch a damn attitude with me, 'cause quite frankly, I don't wanna hear it. God, Matt you're so fucking selfish." Torrie rolled her eyes and lay back on the bed. Matt stood in his neutral position, still near the door. 

"I'm selfish?"

"Yes, Matt. You're selfish. Amy died; no one wants to talk to you, boo-fucking-hoo. Not everyone is gonna throw themselves at you because you lost someone. Suck it up. Be a man." 

"Torrie! I don't know if this registered in your mind yet… but AMY is DEAD. Amy is fucking DEAD! And yes, it is your fault, and yes it is my fault. My girlfriend is DEAD. And do you know how hard it is for me to live thinking if I hadn't fucking boned some other chick she'd still be alive? If I had known exactly what I had goin' for me, she'd still be alive? Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to live knowing that the love of your life is dead and you were the cause of it?"

Torrie just sat there staring at him with cold eyes. Her face was blank; completely expressionless. There was an eerie silence between the two of them and finally she spoke. "Are you done?"

Matt rolled his eyes.

"Well? Are you?"

"Yes, Torrie. I'm done."

"Good. And to answer your question, I DO know what you're going through. Hellooo, Matt, you said it yourself! Both of us caused Amy's death. So yeah, I know how you feel about the whole thing. But for you to stand there and throw it in my face is just… ugh. Plus, I know it's hard but you have to get over it. At least try." 

Matt sighed and lay next to her on the bed. He rested his head in her lap. "It's so hard when nobody wants to even look at you."

"See?" Torrie shoved his arm. "There you go again! All mopey and whatnot. Matt, take charge! Tell them how you feel. Tell them everything tha – "

Torrie was cut off by Matt's massive hand grabbing the back of her neck. He pulled her down and forced a kiss on her lips, plunging his tongue into her mouth. She didn't resist the kiss. She returned it, savoring the delicious taste of his tongue. Finally, after a few moments, she realized what she was doing and how wrong it was.

"Mm… Matt, no." Torrie breathed. "I… we can't. Stop."

"Torrie… I need you."

"No, Matt. You're… being vulnerable. You don't need me, I should go now."

"Don't."

"I'm only making it worse." Torrie got off the bed and walked out of the hotel room, closing the door behind her.

Matt rubbed his face. "Fuck." He mumbled. He sat up. He was pretty tired. He pulled the elastic band out of his hair and tossed it to the floor. He pulled his shirt over his head, now in a wife beater and jeans. 

Matt was just about to take off his belt when a knock came at the door.

"Who is it?" 

Silence. 

"Who is it?" Matt said a little louder.

Still silence… and then another knock.

Matt opened the door and Torrie leaped into his arms, showering him with kisses. 

"I can't." She whispered as she kissed his ear.

"Then why are you doing it?" 

Torrie stopped kissing him long enough to stare into his eyes. "I can't be without you." She whispered against his lips. She leaned in and kissed him again.

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	7. Cruel Intentions

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter **VII:** Cruel Intentions

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Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

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Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's... Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

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Matt lay on his side. He could feel her warm, bare body pressed up against his back. 

__

This is what caused the whole thing in the first place... He thought to himself.

A tear slipped down his cheek as he realized that he did it yet again.

"Shh... baby, don't cry." She whispered, stroking his hair. "I'm here... it's okay."

"Is it?" He mumbled, wondering how the hell she heard him.

"Well..." 

"I know it's not. Why'd you let me do it... again?" 

Torrie sighed. "I... I dunno. I guess I needed it."

Matt turned and faced her. "YOU needed it? This was for YOU?"

"No... I mean... yes... I mean -"

"Torrie, do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

"Matt, I'm so sorry. I -"

Matt sat up. "You said it yourself... last night. You said it... you said I was being vulnerable."

"You were."

"So then why'd you take advantage of me?"

Torrie laughed. "Oh yeah, 'cause you're so teeny and helpless." She spat sarcastically. "Matt you want me. Admit it. You wanted me _before _you were with Amy, you wanted me _while_ you were with Amy, and you want me now."

"You're an easy lay." Matt spat back, getting out of the bed and putting his boxers on.

Torrie laughed again. "I am not. We have chemistry."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we do." 

Matt shrugged. "Okay, Tor, you win. We have chemistry." Matt said doing the quote signs. He sighed and walked into the bathroom. 

Totally unfazed that she was naked, Torrie leaped out of the bed and followed him. "You don't mean that."

"Go put some clothes on." 

"I want you to mean it."

"We can't always get what we want." Matt turned on the water. "Can I brush my teeth in peace?"

Torrie grinned. "Tell me you mean it."

"No."

"Please... for me, baby."

Matt rolled his eyes. "And what are you gonna do for me?"

"Well, well. Correct me if I'm wrong. But who called who last night?"

"You're wrong. And I'm correcting you. I believe the correct term is, 'who called _whom_'."

Torrie ignored him. "Well?"

"I called you."

"And I comforted you. And now I want you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

"Tell me you mean it."

"I mean it."

Torrie rolled her eyes. "Not NOW... you're being pressured... and you don't mean it."

"Shut up, you're not making sense. You're confusing the shit outta me. I just woke up."

"Tell me one day... out of the blue... when I really need to hear it."

"Fine."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Matt." Torrie grabbed his face and made him look at her. "Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

She planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Now go put some clothes on."

"But this is how God intended it to be."

"Did he also intend for you to be a pain in my ass?"

Torrie grinned. "No, these are my intentions."

"I don't like your intentions."

"You probably won't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Brush your teeth." Torrie walked out of the bathroom.

Matt raised an eyebrow in confusion. He brushed his teeth and then went back to Torrie. "What... are your intentions?"

Torrie covered her head with the bed sheets. "I have none, Matt."

"Oh, yeah right. You're a conniving she-devil."

Torrie giggled. "If the pitchfork fits."

"Seriously, Tor." He crawled in the bed with her.

"I'm serious, Matt."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that you have no cruel intentions under your sleeve."

"Nope. Can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a devil... and if stare at you too long, you'll melt."

-*-

Matt took a deep breath. He wiped his hands on his jeans and then knocked.

"One second!"

Matt heard giggles and someone tripping over a pair of shoes... then the door flew open.

Jeff's smile faded.

"Please... Jeff... before you slam the door in my face. I really, really need to talk to you."

Jeff stood there in his jeans and socks. His belt was open and it was pretty obvious he and Beth had been engaged in some sort of... activity.

"Well... I'm kinda busy now..." Jeff said. He really didn't feel like talking to Matt.

"Let him in, Jeff." 

Jeff sighed and opened the door. Beth stood in the hallway, wearing one of Jeff's shirts and a pair of shorts.

"Thanks." Matt mumbled as he stepped inside the house. The familiar sound of Liger's snores made Matt smile. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he'd been there.

"So... what's... up?" Jeff asked nervously.

"Too much. It's nice to see you... I mean without the guys here and all..."

"I know. I... uh... I miss you." Jeff said softly, looking down at the floor.

"You mean that?"

Jeff nodded. "Matt... you're my big brother."

"I thought you changed the title to older brother when you hit thirteen?"

Jeff laughed. "Nah, man. It's hard... you know... kinda being in the middle of it all." 

Matt nodded.

"People talk to me about you... saying how fucked up you are... and I want to agree with them 'cause I'm upset about Amy. But I know you didn't do it... and... well... you're my brother and I love you and I could never hate you. Even if you did kill her.""I love you, too, man."

"Aww... Kodak moment."

The guys turned around to see Beth standing there with a huge smile on her face.

"Dammit, I forgot she was there." Jeff growled.

"Yep. The whole time. Softy."

Jeff rolled his eyes.

"I'm glad you two are talking again. And I missed seeing you around, Matt."

"I missed you guys, too."

"Group hug?" Beth asked hopefully.

"Only for you." Matt and Jeff said in unison. 

-*-

Hours later, Matt and Jeff sat in the middle of the living room, still talking like they hadn't spoken in years. Beth slept angelically next to Liger, the two of them snoring softly.

"So... even though you've been here for a couple of hours... I'm getting this brother-vibe that you still have to get something off your chest." Jeff said.

Matt nodded.

"Well, what is it?"

Matt sighed. "You know I cheated on Amy -"

"Who with?"

"Can't say... I wanna keep her out of all of this crap."

"Do I know her?"

"Yes."

"Is she with WWE?"

"Can't say."

"So she is!"

"Jeff-"

"Is it Nidia?"

"No, Jeff."

"Nora?"

"I'm not telling y -"

"Jackie?"

"Jeff -"

"Torrie?"

Matt shook his head but looked at the floor.

"It was Torrie, wasn't it?"

"I told you I wasn't gonna answer you."

"But you looked at the floor..."

"So?" Matt looked up. "I'm not, now."

"Wouldja tell me who it is please?"

"Jeff... please... don't make me tell you."

Jeff sighed. "Fine."

"Anyway... the girl I cheated on Amy with -"

"Nidia, Nora, Jackie or Torrie. Mm-hmm, I'm listening."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Well, she... she told me that I wouldn't like her intentions. And I'm kinda worried about what else she has up her sleeve."

"You wouldn't like her intentions? What the hell? She already caused a death, what else is she gonna do?"

"Exactly."

Jeff shook his head and ran a hand through his short blue hair. "Don't worry about it, man. S'all good."

"It is?"

"Yeah. She was probably joking or something."

Matt sighed. "I sure hope so."

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-


	8. Under the Influence

****

Title: Losing Grip

****

Chapter **VIII:** Under the Influence 

****

Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

****

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's... Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-

Matt walked into the arena happy as can be. He finally got through to Jeff. He was positive the other guys had forgiven him, too. 

The first person Matt saw when he entered the locker room was Chris Jericho. Matt set his bag down and approached him slowly. "Hey CJ."

"Fuck off, Hardy." Chris didn't even look up.

Matt laughed a little; hoping his friend wasn't serious. 

Chris jerked his head up. "T'so funny?" 

Matt shrugged. "You weren't joking?"

Chris sighed and shook his head. "Nope. So fuck –"

"Chris, I apologized! I didn't do it and you all know that! Why won't you guys just talk to me? Jeff does."

"He's your brother."

"This business is like a family. We're all brothers."

Chris nodded. "Last time I checked, my last name was Irvine. Not Hardy… and I know for a fact that my mother has been with only one man her entire life – my dad. She became a widow young and she stayed that way. You're not my brother."

Matt rolled his eyes. "You know what I meant – "

"No. I didn't. So fuck off, Matt."

"Chris – "

Chris grabbed the neckline of Matt's shirt. "Fuck… off… Matt." He pushed him and walked out of the locker room.

"Damn!" Matt punched a locker.

"What's with the punching?" Shane questioned, coming into the room. "Oh… sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"So now that you know who I am, you're gonna ignore me?"

Shane made a face. "Eh… pretty much."

"Asshole." Matt mumbled.

Shane heard him. "Last time I checked, _you _were a murderer. You're the asshole."

Matt rolled his eyes. "You know what, Shane?"

"What, Matt?"

"Fuck you. Okay? Fuck… you!" 

Shane shook his head. "No thanks, man. I don't float in that boat."

Shane's sarcasm and Jericho's bitchiness really got to Matt. He turned around and punched Shane square in the jaw. Shane flew back into a locker and Matt began pounding on him. Just then, Adam walked in.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Adam ran towards the other two men who were battling furiously in the corner. 

"Get off me!" Shane yelled, blood oozing out of his nose. Matt looked perfectly fine.

"Matt, you fucking asshole, why don't you pick on somebody your own fucking size?!" Adam scolded, shoving Matt out of the way and helping Shane up. "You okay, man?"

"No… I think he broke my nose."

"I think so, too. Come on, let's get you to the trainers." Adam put a hand on the smaller man's back, gently pushing him to the door. 

Matt sighed, knowing what was going to come next.

"Look, Matt. I don't know if you're aware of this… but you're skating on _really _thin ice. You got balls, man. You're like… three times Shane's size and you beat up on him 'cause _your _life is fucked up? That's some crazy shit, man. You're a bold fucker. I dunno how big and bad you think you really are… but me and Jericho? We're pretty tough, dude. Don't do it to yourself, Hardy. Don't fuck things up more. 'Cause if I have to waste my time beating your ass, I'm not gonna be happy. And I think Jericho will be pretty pissed, too. Take my advice. Leave… Shane… out of this. He's just a kid. He may not see it, but he's still pretty young. It's gonna take _him _even longer to forgive you than it would take the rest of us. Now that you've mutilated him, I think you can consider him a lost friend. Shane's pretty damn stubborn and you know it. We all are. Next time I see you even looking at him… your ass is grass… and I'm gonna smoke it and get fucking stoned." Adam turned and walked out of the locker room, leaving Matt there to think. 

"Why am I such an asshole?" He mumbled to himself as he plopped down on a bench.

"You're not an asshole."

Matt jerked his head up to see Jeff. "Why do you guys keep doing that? It's like you're all on cue or something."

"Doing what?"

"Coming in one after the other… no biggie. And yes, I am an asshole. A _major _asshole."

Jeff grinned. "Eh… if you insist…" 

"Shut up."

Jeff laughed. He began to unpack his belongings and searched for his ring attire. "Saw what you did to Shane… looks pretty bad."

Matt nodded.

"Why'd you do it?"

"He was getting on my fucking nerves! He hates me… they all hate me." 

-*-

"They all hate me, Jeff! Why do they hate me? They hate me. They all hate me. Hate." Matt stumbled out of the elevator, Jeff grabbing onto him. 

"It's okay."

Tears were pouring out of Matt's eyes. "NO! They hate me!" Matt was drunk. He didn't know how he got that way, but that's how Jeff found him in the hotel lobby.

"Shh.. you'll wake everybody up… it's like two in the morning."

"Two in the morn – they hate me."

A hotel door opened and a tired looking Jericho stood in the doorway. "Fuck is he yelling ab – is he drunk?"

Jeff nodded. "Quite… can you help me out here?" 

Jericho sighed, but he decided to help the smaller Hardy as it was obvious that he was struggling. Jericho linked arms with Matt. Matt viciously pushed him away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Shh… Matt, chill!" Jeff punched Matt's arm.

"I don't want him to touch me." Matt whispered. Jericho obviously heard; he was standing right next to Matt.

"Matt… it's late. I'm tired. Let's get you to your room, come on." Chris attempted to grab Matt again. Instead, Matt stumbled backwards. "NOOOOO!" 

Another hotel door opened. This time, it belonged to Adam. "Would you please stop fucking yelling!"

Matt backed up against the wall and slid down. He held his knees to his chest and buried his face in his jeans.

Jeff sighed. "Matt, come on." 

"No… they hate me! Why, Jeff? Why do they hate me?" Matt questioned Jeff as if the other two men weren't there listening. "I didn't kill Mamy!" 

"Mamy?" Jericho whispered.

"I think he means Amy." Adam whispered back.

"Right."

"I didn't! She took – " Matt sniffled. "The gun… and went –" He did the guns and put them in his mouth. "Boom." He muttered.

Jeff nodded. "We know… we know."

"Jeffy… tell them not to hate me. Please tell them. Please!" Matt looked up, his tears were streaming down so fast, they were soaking up his gray shirt. 

Adam bit his lip. He kind of felt bad for Matt. "Matt… buddy, we don't hate you… we just don't..."

"Like you." Jericho finished.

"Please!" Matt yelled. "Jeff, I wanna go! I wanna sleep! My head hurts. It hurts so bad, Jeffy, make it stop!"

"God damn, boy, how much did you drink?" Jeff mumbled as he helped his brother up. "You haven't called me Jeffy since I was like… four."

"I don't want them to hate me." Matt said as the two of them walked away. "Tell them to stop… please. When I'm gone, so they don't know I know."

Jericho stifled a laugh. 

"I'll try, Matt… I'll try."

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-


	9. What If

****

Title: Losing Grip

****

Chapter **IX:** What If 

****

Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

****

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's... Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-

Jeff sat in his own hotel room, thinking about Matt. He hadn't seen him get so drunk… besides his 21st birthday. But that was all good and fun… and Amy was there. This time Matt had turned to alcohol for comfort. The old Matt would never do something like that. Of course he had the occasional party drink… but usually when Matt was stressed he would listen to music or work out. Jeff couldn't get the fact that Matt had actually turned to alcohol for comfort out of his head.

__

What if it becomes a habit?

What if he can't wrestle anymore?

What if he passes out some day and gets hurt?

What if he needs me one day and I'm not there to help him?

What if he needs me right now?

"What if, what if, what if." Jeff mumbled. He shook his head. "I'm not a 'what if' person. I'm an… 'I'll-worry-about-this-shit-tomorrow person." Jeff paced back and forth, occasionally glancing out of the full-length windows. "I'm not supposed to worry like this… _he's _supposed to worry like this! I can't – Lord, I'm talking to myself. I'm actually talking to myself. What the hell is wrong with me?" 

"Nothing's wrong with you. You're stressed."

Jeff practically jumped out of his skin. He looked towards the door – where the voice came from. Torrie leaned on the frame. A sweet smile was on her face.

"Hey Tor." Jeff mumbled. "How did you get in?"

"Ever hear of a lock?" Torrie asked, turning the knob for emphasis. "How's Matt? Heard he was drunk as a mother."

"Yep… you heard right." Jeff sighed and leaned his head on the window. He stared out at the view. It was gorgeous, even though it was pouring outside. 

Torrie could see his sorrowful expression in the glass. "Jeff, baby… you okay?"

Jeff didn't answer her. He continued to gaze.

"Jeff?"

"No… I'm not okay. I feel like… I feel helpless. I don't know what to do anymore." 

"Well…" Torrie walked up to Jeff. She put her arms around him. He leaned his head on her shoulder. "You gotta be there for Matt."

"I am. I just don't know how… _he's _the one that takes care of _me_. I'm not sure if I can do it for him. I'm not used to it."

Torrie nodded. "You gotta try."

"I can't."

Torrie gasped in mock surprise. "Did I just hear Jeffrey Hardy say the word, 'can't'?" 

Jeff smiled.

"You can, Jeff. You can do anything. And if you ever _need_ anything…" Torrie reached into her bra and pulled out a key. She handed it to Jeff. "I'm in room four-o-seven." She whispered in a sultry voice. 

Jeff raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to say something, but before the words could come out… she was gone. 

He glanced down at the key in his hand. The numbers '4-0-7' were inscribed perfectly in gold lettering.

__

She's serious. She's really serious. Jeff thought. Then the 'what ifs' started floating in his mind again. 'What ifs' that were absolutely irrelevant to the situation he was going through.

__

What if the guys are mad at me 'cause I still talk to Matt?

What if I forgot to turn my stove off and my house is on fire right now?

What if I mess up on my Swanton tomorrow night?

What if I forgot to lay food out for Liger?

What if…

What if… what if I go to room 4-0-7?

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-


	10. Room 407

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Title: Losing Grip

****

Chapter **X:** Room 407 

****

Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

****

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's... Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-

Jeff slipped the key into his pocket and walked toward the door.

"I'm really gonna go through with this…" He mumbled. He turned the knob and opened the door. Instead of leaving, he leaned on the doorframe. 

Half of Jeff Hardy wanted to go.

The other half knew better.

"Why am I so damn curious? I just… I'm just gonna go to see why she offered." Jeff hesitantly stood up straight. "It's just curiosity, man. Nothing else…" Jeff closed the door behind him and walked down the hall… 

-*-

Matt sat on the floor, still crying. He was going through pictures of Amy. "I love you in blue." He whispered as he looked at a picture of her in a blue shirt. "And in green… orange… pink and purple. And brown, too." He tossed the pictures on the floor. "Why you kill yourself?" 

A knock came at the door.

"AMY?!" Matt leaped up and opened the door. It was Chris. 

"Hey, Matt."  
Matt backed away slowly. "No… no… you're gonna… you're gonna kill me. Don't touch me!" 

"Shhh… not so loud. I'm not gonna kill you. Just chill out." 

Matt nodded and sat back down on the floor. 

Chris glanced at the pictures by Matt's feet. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"Amy. She wasn't dead before."

Chris nodded and laughed. "Yeah I know. God, she looks beautiful here… where was this?" Chris looked at a close-up picture of her in a light blue dress. Her hair was in a curly bun, with a few curls dropping loosely from her head. Her smile was brilliant and her eyes sparkled. 

"A wedding. Adam's." 

"Oh."

"You don't remember?" 

Chris shook his head. "I was there… but I don't remember seeing Amy."

"You danced with her."

"I did?"

"You was drunk."

Chris laughed. "It's a possibility."

"You was drunk like me. Am I drunk?"

"Pretty much. You're gonna have a killer hangover, man."

Matt shrugged. "It feels better when I'm drunk."

Chris raised an eyebrow. "What does?"

"This." Matt touched his chest, "my heart."

-*-

Jeff slipped the key in. The door let out a tiny beep and Jeff turned the knob. "T… Torrie?"

"Jeffrey?"

"Yeah."

"I'm in the bathroom…I'll be right out. Make yourself comfortable."

Jeff nodded to himself and sat on the bed. Everything smelled like lavender. 

The door to the bathroom opened and Torrie waltzed out in a tight red tank top and low-cut blue jeans. "I didn't think you were gonna come."

"Me, too."

"So why did you?"

Jeff shrugged. "Curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

Jeff laughed. "Have you seen the way I leap around the ring? I'm more of a monkey."

Torrie laughed, too. "Yeah, I guess so." She sat next to Jeff on the bed.

"So… why did you invite me?"

Torrie smirked. "'Cause I'm lonely… and you're cute." 

"Uh… thanks, I guess."

"And I always wondered what it would be like to…" Torrie's voice suddenly dropped and she sounded incredibly sexy. "… you know… with you."

Jeff swallowed. "Oh." _God, she's turning me on. _"Torrie… are you hitting on me?"

"Figuratively speaking… yes."

"Oh."

"You catch on quick, Jeffrey."

"Uh… you can uh… call me… just call me Jeff."

Torrie knelt on the bed behind Jeff and began to massage him. "I always thought Jeffrey sounded much sexier," she whispered in his ear; her lips gently brushing against his ear.

Jeff couldn't bring himself to say anything. He swallowed again. _Beth… Beth… think about Beth. How much I love Beth. _"Beth." 

Torrie stopped massaging Jeff. "Beth? Oh… how is she?"

__

I said that out loud? "She's great…"

"How's the sex?"

"Torrie… um… I'm not comfortable –"

"Does she satisfy you, Jeffrey?"

"She's good, but – "

"Ever wondered if I was better?" 

Jeff shrugged. "Well sure I've thought about – I mean. No… no, never. I love Beth. I would never cheat on her. What are you doing, Torrie?" 

Torrie stopped kissing Jeff's neck long enough to answer his question. "I wanted to taste you."

"That's cool and all but um… I think I should be leaving."

Torrie ignored him. "Do you want to taste me, Jeffrey?"

-*-

Jeff woke up to the sound of someone breathing softly in his ear. _Who the hell? _

He put his hand behind him, feeling a soft leg. "Beth?"

No answer.

__

It can't be Beth… she's in North Carolina… and I don't remember going back home… 

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-


	11. Another Trigger Pulled

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Title: Losing Grip

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Chapter **XI:** Another Trigger Pulled

****

Author: JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO (J*A*D*E)

****

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the McMahon's... Jade owns nothing. The song is Avril's.

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-

"No… no…" Jeff sat up. "No…"

"Baby, what's wrong?" Torrie sat up next to him and played with his hair.

Jeff pushed her hand away. "Don't call me that."

"You know something?" She bit her lip.

"What?" Jeff got out of the bed and grabbed the clothes he had on the night before.

"You're better than Matt." She giggled.

Jeff froze and looked up at her. He held his shirt in his hand. "What did… what did you just say?"

Torrie licked her lips. "You're better than Matt… your brother."

"You sle… you slept with… with Matt?"

Torrie nodded and grinned. "A few times. He's good… and he has potential. But you, Jeff –"

"YOU BITCH!" Jeff screamed. 

"What?" Torrie's eyes widened. She was surprised at Jeff. He'd never spoken to her that way. 

"You fucking… WHORE! You killed Amy! It was you! My brother cheated on Amy with YOU! What are you trying to do? Are you trying to kill Be – … oh… oh my God, Beth. Beth… you wanna kill Beth? Huh?! Huh, you bitch?"

Torrie got out of the bed and put a robe on. "I don't know who you think you're talking to, Jeff. But if you call me – "

"Fuck you. Don't threaten me." Jeff inched closer to her so their noses were almost touching. "I swear on my life, Torrie, if you touch one hair on Beth's head – "

Torrie grinned. "Listen to yourself. You're making it seem like _I _killed Amy. I didn't touch her. She killed herself." She shrugged. "So if your precious Bethany loves you that much… and she finds out you cheated on her… it's not my fault if she puts a gun in her mou – "

Jeff slapped her. 

Torrie gasped and stared up at him with watery eyes. 

His green eyes were slightly squinted, yet he was glaring at her. He didn't know what to do. He felt terrible for laying a hand on a woman, but she deserved it. Jeff bit his lip and tears slipped out of his eyes. "I hate you."

Torrie still looked up at him, her hand holding her face where he slapped her.

"I really… really hate you." Jeff whispered. "Don't you ever say her name again." 

Torrie nodded. 

As much as Jeff wanted to stay there and tell Torrie how much he hated her… he couldn't. He just put his jeans on and left. He felt dirty… he felt used. He needed to talk to someone. He needed Beth.

-*-

"YOU DID _WHAT?!_" 

Jeff's eyes watered and he desperately lunged for his girlfriend. She gave him a disgusted look, backing up away from the bed he was sitting on. "Baby… baby, please." Jeff couldn't help it. The tears streamed down his face. "Don't do this to me… Beth please don't –"

"Jeff, do you understand what you did? Do you understand the seriousness of this issue?" She bit her lip and sniffled. She ran a hand through her short brown hair.

"Beth – "

"I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T LIKE BLONDES, JEFF!" She yelled, smacking his head. She lowered her voice. "Come on, Jeff… don't you know your colors?" 

Jeff closed his eyes and shook his head. 

"So you don't. Fucking dumb ass," she spat sarcastically. 

"I'm so sorry, Beth." He whispered.

She smacked him again. "SORRY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

Getting frustrated, Jeff stood up a little too quickly, almost knocking Beth down. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

Beth laughed sarcastically. "Oh… yeah. What? She tripped over something and landed on your dick?! _My dick_?! Fucking… bitch! I thought we were happy, Jeff… I thought we were…" she broke into sobs. Beth turned away from him. Her knees gave out and she fell to the floor, curling up into a ball.

"Oh… baby." Jeff knelt down beside her. "Baby… please."

Beth sniffed loudly. "Go away."

Jeff bit his lip and ran a hand through her hair. He pulled her closer to him, attempting to rock her and comfort her.

"GET OFF OF ME!" She screamed. "Let me go!" Beth pushed Jeff and stood up. "To think I wanted to marry you! To think I was gonna propose to you!" She walked over to the dresser and pulled out a little box. 

Jeff's mouth fell open. That's what he loved about Beth. She was so outgoing. Jeff couldn't think of any other woman who would propose to her boyfriend. "Beth…"

She threw the ring at him. It hit him in the corner of his eye, scratching it. She pulled something else out of the dresser.

Now Jeff's eyes widened. "Bethany… don't."

"Don't what?" She pointed the gun at him. "Don't kill you?"

Jeff bit his lip nervously. "Please… baby, it was an accident. It was all an accident… I didn't… I didn't mean to hurt you… I would never –"

"WELL YOU DID, FUCKFACE!" She pushed the gun near his temple. He flinched. "You hurt me… you hurt me real bad."

__

What the hell was she doing with a gun in the drawer? Jeff couldn't put this together. "Beth… why did you have a gun?"

How come Jeff always knew what to ask?He was so observant that it was always nearly impossible to hide something from him. She squinted her eyes at the question and let her arm fall limp. "I… I don't know."

"Were you planning to… kill someone?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Who?"

"Me."

He gasped, but tried to remain calm. He was usually good at talking things out… he couldn't freak out now. "Why, baby?"

"You hate me."

"I do not." Jeff reached up, and cupped her cheek in his hand. He brushed a few tears away with his thumb. 

"Mmhmm…" She mumbled shakily. "I know you hate me, Jeff. I hate me, too." 

Jeff rolled his eyes and put his back to her. He walked over to the window and pressed his forehead up against the cold glass. He was speechless. He had absolutely nothing to say. 

A deathly silence fell in the room… 

Beth stared at Jeff's back. 

And Jeff stared at Beth in the window's reflection. 

Liger obviously felt the tension that was circulating in the room, because she began to whine. 

Jeff watched as a streak of lightening flashed across the sky. As if the weather were on cue, there came a clap of thunder and then the rain began to pour. 

Beth played with the gun in her hands. She ran her finger over the trigger. It was cold… and it made her smile. 

Jeff shut his eyes for a minute, attempting to regroup. He sighed. "Beth…" He looked up so he could make eye contact with her. His breath caught in his throat as the window reflected the morbid picture that was happening behind him. Beth had the gun in her mouth and it looked like she was contemplating on pulling the trigger.

Jeff spun around. "BETH, NO!"

She looked up at him.

Smiled.

And pulled the trigger.

-*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*-


End file.
